Guild Woes, pt. I: Why the realm forums are not the place to look for a guild. [ 6D ]

Guild Woes, pt. I: Why the realm forums are not the place to look for a guild.

So the other day I figured I’d try and find a guild for Cataclysm. When Google was not helpful for this task, I bit the bullet and turned to the Mok’Nathal realm forums. I mean… how bad could that be?

There's no way this could possibly go wrong... right?

Lesigh.

So thank you, Frostling of <Aggressive Behaviour>, for reminding me why I spend the majority of my time in this game playing solo.

Back to the drawing board.

12 Comments on "Guild Woes, pt. I: Why the realm forums are not the place to look for a guild."

Mia

541 days ago

3 comments

Ugh. Men can be such jerks. One of the reasons why I don’t like raiding in PuGs without my husband.

Dee

541 days ago

168 comments

I think applying the term “man” in this case may be over-stated.

I mean you know how it is. Offers of “cyber” always seem less appealing with the threat of being arrested for soliciting a minor is attached.

Tachyon Feathertail

510 days ago

3 comments

Question: When someone makes a gender-based remark like that and it goes unchallenged, is the appropriate response to call it out or to just leave in frustration at triggering-ness? And do the rules for that work differently here than elsewhere?

Because I’m not cis, het, abled, upper-middle-class or casually profane and bigoted, and I’d be eaten for lunch by the people you pointed out too, even if it’d take them longer to get around to it. I have been attacked by such people before, and I have dropped group at the same times that you have in your other entries. But comments like “men can be such jerks” really strike me as being essentialist and derogatory, and I’d call them out more often if I felt like being biologically male didn’t take away all of my moral authority to do so.

I get (as well as I can) the frustration, I get that the commenter has a loving relationship with a male and so obviously doesn’t consider all males to be jerks, I get that it was just an offhand remark, and I get the concept of safe spaces for biological women and apologize if I did not see the notice. I get that I have male privilege, posts and screenshots like these remind me that I have male privilege, and I get that it feels good to diss people after being treated like that. Because when I have to spend all day being condescended to by neurotypicals I say some really nasty things about 99% of the population under my breath afterwards. If I actually posted them, though, outside of a clearly-marked safe space that’s used just for venting, I’d expect to be corrected for it. Either that, or to end up having no neurotypicals among my readership, which is to say almost no readers at all.

… I guess what I’m saying is I find comments like the one you replied to — and seeing them pass unchallenged — triggering, to the point of shaking with frustration and fear and self-loathing, even though a lot of people have made it very clear to me that I have no right to feel that way. And I thought I’d just let you know that on behalf of whomever else left your blog instead of commenting on it.

Dee

510 days ago

168 comments

As a general rule, I find it difficult to find fault with women who vent about male behaviour in a feminist space.

Even in environments that aren’t “clearly-marked [as a] safe space” (clearly marked how? and by whose standards?), I honestly can’t bring myself to get worked up over any member of a non-privileged class venting their frustrations against a privileged class as a whole. So no, you will not see me “calling” people on this behaviour. YMMV in the Really Real World, but this blog is my space and so I ask you to respect my rules for it.

I’m also seethingly scornful of the “why can’t you bitches just be nicer” and the “what about the MENZ[/insert-privileged-group-du-jour-here]!” arguments, particularly when they’re combined and especially when they’re done so in a way that is appropriative of the language used by non-privileged groups. Those are my “triggers” — in the context you’re using the word, scare-quotes because, on the surface of it, it appears trivialising — and yes, all that stuff about shaking with “frustration and fear and self-loathing”? Please see. Except that, yanno. This is my blog, and I shouldn’t have to feel like that here.

So. Mm. Yes.

Tachyon Feathertail

510 days ago

3 comments

… I’m sorry, please just delete that.

Lactic acid

517 days ago

1 comment

Blargh – totally know what you mean… and I’m 30 that just makes it worse – having little teens make the “you so ezy i gunna pistol whip you baby” crap in my direction is just like having to deal with someone else’s obnoxious little kids O_o. I just got lucky recently and fell into a guild that seems to be dominated by married couples – loving the gender mix-up, the casual play and the age spread!

Dee

517 days ago

168 comments

Ahaha. I never thought about it like that before, but it’s so true. I’m 26, FWIW; not exactly retirement age, but old enough that the posturing of teenagers is a bit, uh, tiresome. 6^^

EmilyBites

499 days ago

4 comments

Hi Dee,
Those guys in the realm forums were dicks. Just found your blog and really enjoying it
I’m an unapologetic feminist woman of 25 and am I’m in the process of looking for a guild…preferably female-dominated with shades of feminism. Is it rarer than an artifact drop? I am not about separatism but I am tired of the misogynist crap and would like to just PLAY. Thanks for any help.

Dee

499 days ago

168 comments

Hey Emily, nice to meet you! :3

Sadly no luck yet on the guild front, really. Finding guilds run by women is easy, but finding guilds that are prepared to be openly feminist, well, I’ve yet to find one.

I’d start one up myself but, well, who would join it? 6^^

EmilyBites

499 days ago

4 comments

Me! lol, and I could bring my big sis as well. She’s not ‘out’ as a feminist but I’m taking her along to consciousness-raising sessions!

So, between us we have enough for…most of a dungeon group! The idea of advertising in trade or on forums for feminists to join a guild just makes me want to rock in the corner. I am not prepared to deal with the abuse that would DEFINITELY follow. Do we need any more proof that gamer culture is misogynist, homophobic and racist?!