This post probably deserves a trigger warning. [ 6D ]

This post probably deserves a trigger warning.

[Mild trigger warning for rape "jokes" and associated bullshit tropes.]

So, what with August kinda being unofficial “Women in WoW” month, I had one of those “I’m a feminist, hear me roar!” posts lined up. Then I bought myself a lot of heirlooms and rolled myself a priest,^[i] so was going to write a post about My Experiences As a Lowbie Priest With LFG (or, Don’t Put Psychic Scream Right Next To Fade).

Then I got a shitty group — actually, the same shitty group twice in a row — in Deadmines and figured I’d combine the two. I mean, it’s not that they were bad players. The tank tanked and the DPS were neat. It’s just, well…

The opening hint of badness came when (and I’m bummed I didn’t take a screenshot of this), I zone into the dungeon and get, “Hello beautiful. You’ve just in time for VC.” I find it hard to describe just how viscerally angry this comment made me; let’s just say I was actually physically shaking. But it’s not like I’ve never deal with boorish chauvinists before, so I just shut my mouth and heal (well, bubble) my way to an easy loot bag.

We finish up, I port out, grab some more juice^[ii] and jump back in. Some familiar names pop up.

I hate Deadmines — well, I hate all the vanilla dungeons, but that’s neither here nor there — but I figure the group doesn’t totally suck, and everything is going well up until we pull the first boss. That’s when the rape jokes pop out. Nothing egregious, just the usual bullshit.

“Gang rape,” says the warrior.

“He likes it,” replies the noobadin, while the warrior and the tank laugh.

And I just… I’ve had a long day at work, you know? It wasn’t bad, but it was long, and I just wanna come home and chillax while the hubby is at uni by killing some internet dragons (well, bubble some tanks while the hunters behind me kill some internet dragons). I don’t want to deal with the lurking spectres of rape culture and the patriarchy. I don’t want to educate anyone about why perpetuating the Asking For It line is just a really shitty thing to do under any circumstance, even (especially) as a “joke”, even (especially) when the target is male. And I really, really don’t want to be the only one in the group who’s prepared to say that That Shit Ain’t On, and thus face the inevitable “frigid bitch” backlash.

So I drop group. Right there in the middle of the boss fight.

You know that whole stereotype about women playing healers? Yeah, well, guess what; most women aren’t terribly enthused about rape “jokes”, either. Might be something to think about for next time, boys.

/ignore

And don’t get me started on the whole “having MC enchants on your level 10 weapon” thing. ↩
I go through that stuff so fast. Don’t talk to me about efficiency! I played a Resto Shaman in MC; let me tell you about how a 40-man healing rotation works at some stage. ↩

11 Comments on "This post probably deserves a trigger warning."

Saga

528 days ago

3 comments

I don’t blame you for leaving, the “rape” jokes in general always get to me. There is just nothing funny about it, and there is never a time when it should be used, unless you’re talking about it in RL as an actual horrible thing.

I even did a whole post about the way we use certain words/language in WoW recently. “Rape” was definitely listed as one of my biggest bugbears.

Dee

528 days ago

168 comments

I read somewhere once that the distinction between a “funny” rape joke and an actually funny rape joke was whether the butt of the joke was the rapist or not. (I can’t even think of an example off the top of my head of the latter, but can produce quite a few of the former without even thinking about it.)

No prizes for guessing which category I think the “gang rape you love it hur hur” thing falls into. :\

@thorfi

527 days ago

2 comments

Gah. That shit makes *me* complain and drop group, and I’m not even vaguely likely to ever be a target for actual rape. With the gay jokes I tend to respond with “oo, hot man on man action, love it”, and that tends to work well to shut the idiots up. Rape jokes are a lot more problematic.

Tam

526 days ago

2 comments

Putting aside the egregious offensivenses of it … I just find it inconceivable that there seems to be some connection in the human brain between “rape” and “funny!” Videos of kittens falling into boxes are funny.

I totally see why you dropped the group.

I hope I would have done some on principle, but I might just have dissolved into a puddle of angst wondering about whether it would be helpful to take a stand.

Dee

523 days ago

168 comments

Yeah, I’ve kinda given up trying to educate PUGs, lol. I figure dropping group — and making it obvious the “jokes” were the reason why — was making my point well enough for me. As was the subsequent (potential; they did have a Pally) wipe and wait in the queue for a new healer, lol.

Whether they then called me names after dropping or not is kinda moot, IMO; it still sent the message that someone thought their behavior wasn’t okay, which is probably enough of a start (q.v. that research that shows men who perpetuate violence against women have skewed perceptions about the “but everyone does it” acceptability of doing so). Things being what they are in Gamerland, it’s highly possible the people who make these sorts of comments have just never encountered anyone who’s indicated that the behavior is inappropriate.

That’s my “benefit of the doubt” outlook, anyway. 6^^

Toitle

526 days ago

1 comment

I don’t think there’s any connection in the human brain between “rape” and “funny.” I think that there are some rare people who think rape is funny, and a lot more people who think rape should be funny (even if they know there’s nothing funny about it), and they beat it into our heads that rape is funny and they beat down everyone who complains about them doing it until eventually most people just don’t even notice it anymore, and the ones who do notice it do exactly what you fear you might do-stay quiet, because they know if they say anything they’ll be ridiculed and attacked endlessly.

For me, if I said even one word about it any time someone said something about raping someone, I would never be able to talk to people about pvp ever because I would constantly be saying that word.

The worst part, I think, isn’t that so many people make rape “jokes” and expect you to laugh at them. It’s that you can never try to make them stop doing it, because if you complain you’re just being oversensitive, and oh, it was just a joke, and stop being such a feminazi, and on and on. And that’s not even the worst thing they’ll say.

Dee

523 days ago

168 comments

TBH (and YMMV) I don’t… mind the use of “rape” if it’s used self-referentially in the negative context (e.g. “We got totally raped in WG last night.”). Like, I wouldn’t say it’s my favorite usage — there are better words that don’t have the associated trigger potential liked good ol’ nerd staple “pwned” — but it doesn’t make me bristle as much as when it’s used positively (e.g. “We totally raped them, lol!”).

But, realistically, people not using it casually at all would be preferable.

luveykat

463 days ago

2 comments

So let me get this straight.. instead of risking being called a “frigid bitch” you ARE a frigid bitch by leaving the group in a lurch in the middle of a fight without even giving them the benefit of telling them you found what they said offensive. Way to go there skippy. And seriously, getting pissy about the “beautiful” comment.. really? How is that an insult? Yeah, I’m female. I have 4 80s that are healers, you seriously need to quit bitching about stuff like this.

Dee

452 days ago

168 comments

Hey troll, how’s the trolling?

Good? Awesome. Now get the fuck off my blog. Come back when you know what the term “internalized misogyny” means.

luveykat

448 days ago

2 comments

Mmm, never been called a troll before. Just curious though, is it speaking my mind that makes me a troll? Or just disagreeing with you?

Dee

448 days ago

168 comments

My favourite part of trolls is where they don’t realise they’re trolls, and instead think of themselves as these groundbreaker lone crusaders against… something, I dunno.

I mean, seriously. What makes you think it’s totally fine and cool to come racing in, guns blazing, accusing someone you’ve never met of being a “frigid bitch”? What makes you think that’s ever an appropriate insult, for anyone, in any situation, ever? I mean, do you use the term “jew” pejoratively too? And, most importantly, what makes you think I’ve never heard tedious bullshit like that before? I mean, the whole point of this blog is where I come let off my feminist steam after having to deal with boring misogynistic bullshit in WoW itself. You think I’ve never heard the same thing in Trade Chat? At work? On the street? On TV?

So yes. For the ad hominems and for recycling garbage I’ve heard a thousand times as if it’s some stunning new revelation I should cower before, you are a troll. And here, since you seem unsure of the definition, let’s ask Wikipedia:

In Internet slang, a troll is someone who posts inflammatory [...] messages in an online community, such as [... a] blog, with the primary intent of provoking other users into a desired emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.

I mean, stop me if that sounds in any way familiar.

Also: What part of “get the fuck off my blog I don’t want to talk you, you entitled little child” is, like, difficult for you to process? I know trolls have this DRIVING BIOLOGICAL URGE to always have the last post and insist everyone else in the universe educate their furry blue asses and everything, but seriously. GTFO. You’re not adding anything, and you’ve just runed my morning.