Obligatory BlizzCon 2011 post.

So, BlizzCon 2011 has come and gone. Like last year I bought the virtual ticket to watch the proceedings (but mostly for Murkablo). I also booted up WoW for good measure, which I haven’t played in a while, and levelled my Druid from 75 to 79 — mostly in AV — while I had the panels running on the other monitor.

If there’s one thing you can say about Blizzard it’s that they’re good at connecting with their user base. They’re good at hype, at making users feel “special”, and they’re good at (appearing) completely fearless. And yeah, I’m thinking about the contrast here to BioWare’s ridiculous NDA and hyper-managed drip-feed of information for TOR. BioWare dropped the press embargo for TOR 24 hours before BlizzCon? So what. The dribble of information coming from official sites is facile and stage-managed and, honestly, completely useless. It’s also nothing ten seconds with /r/swtor or BetaFootage or AlterSwtor or BetaCake won’t get you.

I think reality might be a bit harsh for BioWare. By all accounts, TOR is pretty good. But it’s not the MMO a lot of people are looking for expect, based on the press statements BioWare likes to make. Unmanaged pundits — the bloggers and the forum-goers and the redditors — are crueller but they’re also honest, and critical reviews are important too, since they set expectations. I’m not expecting TOR to be DA2-in-space, or the successor to SWG, or the game that will bring twitch-based action combat to mainstream MMO mechanics. I’m not expecting that… but a lot of people are, because that’s the all-things-to-all-people impression BioWare’s marketing machine likes to create.

Contrast to Blizzard. Make all the jokes you like about “Pokémon and Pandas”; you can’t accuse the company of trying to hide their dirty laundry. In fact, let’s stop having a tirade about TOR and talk about what we’re actually here for: All Blizzard’s dirty laundry for the next twelve months. Ready?

Pokémon and Pandas (World of Warcraft: Mists of Pandaria)

#1. Kung-fu Azeroth

For all the shit it’s currently getting, I’m pretty sure no-one who’s been a long-time Warcraft fan will bat an eyelid at the inclusion of the Pandaren as the new WoW-race. Sure, the Brewmaster was a “joke” hero from WC3′s secret bonus mission, but Chen was a legitimate companion of Rexxar in WC3′s pre-WoW maps (which apparently no-one played or something), making him one of the integral characters for the settlement of Durotar and the founding of Orgrimmar. Not to mention Samwise Dider just freakin’ loves him some pandas.

Pandaren have been coming for years, and it’s interesting to contrast the reaction over the weekend to the reaction to Ian McConville‘s hoax screenshot which — if I’m remembering correctly — was created back when the Alliance race for Burning Crusade was still an unknown.^[i] For those of you who don’t remember it, people liked the idea back then, and there was actual palpable disappointment when the Alliance race turned out to be the WTF-is-that-lawful-good-devil-goats-in-space-WTF Draenei.

You could probably make some kind of argument that basing an entire expansion around the obviously-Asian-as-imagined-by-Westerners Pandaria is both racially appropriative and an obvious grab for the Asian MMO market. You’d probably be right on both counts. Of course, this is Blizzard we’re talking about, and some of the best concept artists in the business have produced some fucking stunning environmental design, as usual. (Made all the more impressive, as usual, by the WoW engine’s age.)

Honestly, Pandaria just looks cool. It looks fun to explore, to marvel at. For someone like yours truly who pretty much idolises Blizzard’s art team^[ii] the chance to see more of their work is always a joy.

But.

But…

#2. WoWémon

Pet battles. Oh-ka-aa-ay.

Like everyone my initial reaction to this was pretty much “… bwah?”. Then I got to thinking about it a little more and, well, Imma just quote myself from Reddit:

Believe it or not, pet battles already exist in the game… sort of. Two fairly rare pets — the vanilla CE zergling and the original BlizzCon murloc marine — have animations that “fight” each other if they meet in the field; the “outcome” is determined randomly.

People do stand around doing “bet of three, best of five, best of seven…” fight rounds with the pets if they happen to meet each other (like I said; it’s pretty rare, but I have the zergling so I’ve been in a few).

To me, the whole “WoWemon” thing just feels like a more formalised extension of that. Yeah it’s silly, but so are a lot of things in WoW. And, honestly, it certainly sounds like a more fun levelcap diversion than, oh, Archaeology was…

So… I dunno. It sounds totally ridic on paper, but watching the guys explain it during the panel was like… yeah okay. I guess this could be fun. It’s also worth noting that the way they’re implementing it sounds like it could be easily moved out of the game itself and onto — oh, say — mobile devices or browsers. So you collect your pets up in-game, then muck about with them on your iPhone the next day at work. And if you think about it like that, it has the potential to be a lot cleverer than people realise (what with that style of “Facebook game” currently being the biggest gaming market… whether us “oldskool”/”real gamers” like it or not)…

There’s always one “wall of crazy” — to use a BioWare term — announcement with every WoW expansion. We’ve had hero quests, dance studios and Path of the Titans. Now we have this. Remember that Blizzard have a relationship with PopCap and they’ve shown a lot of interest — both with RealID and with some of the stuff they’ve said about Titan — in breaking into the “Facebook games” market. WoWémon is how you do it in WoW, and coupled with WoW’s “endless trial”^[iii] and Blizzard’s already highly talented mobile and website development teams, it could be outrageously successful.

Maybe. If any feature is going to get cut from the game, it’s this but, conversely, if any feature is going to defy its critics and prove to be a breakout success it’s also this. Thing is, I was paying special attention over the weekend and it really was quite noticeable looking back from the front of the pack just how many companion pets were accompanying us on our AV zerg rush. People love those damn things.

So we’ll see.

#3. Talents 2.0

I don’t really have much to say about Talents 2.0 other than that it seems like a good step towards solving the Problem With Talents. Talents trees are a tired mechanic and they’ve definitely had their day; ironically a realisation I came to by going through TOR’s incredibly uninspiring sets.

What was most interesting about this panel, however, was basically listening to the devs admit mea culpa and openly and honestly discuss the things they failed with in Cata’s Talents 1.5 redesign.

And this is what I mean about Blizzard being fearless; all of this, in fact. About not being afraid to admit they were wrong and not being afraid to throw controversial ideas to the wolves (read: us); raw and unpackaged.^[iv] And this is why I have huge respect for them as a company, and why their games are so successful.

But.

But…

So I will buy my year of WoW, partly for the guaranteed MoP beta (the D3 is nice, but I’ll be getting the CE of that anyway), but mostly to set myself a time limit. Because, come 21 October 2012, I will not be renewing my WoW subscription.^[v] MoP could be the greatest fucking game in the universe and TOR could be a bomb… but I will not be renewing my WoW subscription. It’s just time.

And here’s the thing. I’m not… unhappy with WoW, exactly. I don’t dislike the core game, I’m not “tired” of Azeroth. But…

But. Forgive me while I quote myself again:

Blizzard does mechanics very well but, IMO, they’re terrible at story. It sort of occurred to me over the weekend that the main reason WoW makes me “eh” nowadays is because I have no feeling of… importance? I guess. Purpose? Weight? Like, all the expansions have been about these big, epic takedowns of major lore characters, except… Well, firstly I don’t raid, so I never see that, and secondly all the major game story is driven by Blizzard’s signature characters (e.g. Thrall, Malfurion, King Whiner, various other Square-Jawed Manly Men) and the problem is I just don’t think anyone is really as in love with WoW’s characters as the WoW writers are. And yeah, I’m vain so mostly I’m all like, “Yeah, cool story bro… but what about me?”

And that’s the rub of it, really. I’m just sort of bored of being this tiny cog playing fifth fiddle to Blizzard’s Real Characters who seem to combine teams of faceless raiders with signature characters I don’t connect with in any way, shape, or form. Oh? Bolvar is the new Lich King you say. Well that’s– wait, who the fuck is Bolvar and why do I care about him as opposed to all the other legion of identical, bland square-jawed Blizzard heroes? Protip: I don’t.

And this is why TOR is revolutionary to me: BioWare “gets” that this is a problem, and have tried to address it. Whether they succeed or not is still up for debate, but at least they’ve recognised the issue and tried to do something about it. Blizzard, meanwhile, doesn’t seem to think it’s a problem at all.

Which is why my days with WoW are officially numbered. It’s been fun, man, but it’s time to move on.^[vi]

The acronym is all you really need to know about this game (StarCraft II: Heart of the Swarm)

Oh SCII, my old nemesis.

I’m honestly conflicted about HotS. On the one hand, it’s a game with a female protagonist and it features not one but three women — named, with speaking parts^[vii] — in its trailer. On the other hand… urgh. How to put this?

Remember how WoL was basically: MEN! DOING MANLY THINGS! LOOK HOW HEROIC AND MANLY MEN DOING MANLY HEROIC THINGS IS! Remember that? Well, watching the lore panel on HotS basically gave me the impression that a lot of this game is going to be about: WOMEN! DOING WEIRD SCARY WOMANLY THINGS! LOOK HOW ALIEN AND WEIRD AND SCARY DOING WOMANLY THINGS IS!

Yeah, the protagonist of HotS is a woman… but she’s also an anti-hero who’s pretty much designed to hit some very specific male fears about female (misuse of) power while still conversely being something of a damsel-in-distress. And yeah, she’s arguably depicted as a woman of colour… but she’s also a “white girl” whose ethnicised “transformation” was specifically done to code her as being scary and alien. Just, protip Blizz — because you might have missed this or whatever — but THAT’S A BIT FUCKING RACIST.

And yeah, some of the main antagonists of HotS are also, erm, female… but again they’re very much in that male-fear-of-female-power mould. I mean, you’ve basically now got a race which explicitly embodies the strawfeminist Hive Vagina concept… while still all managing to be bitchy, catty backstabbers.

As for the plot… well.

In the Q&A at the panel one of the questions was — quite explicitly and totally unironically — along the lines of, “But how ever can Raynor accept Kerrigan back after all the horrible things she’s done? (Woe!)” To which my immediate response was, of course, “Who gives a flying fuck what that jerkass thinks?”

Metzen, of course, had a different answer, most of which was waffling about how “oh yes we’ll totally be exploring that”. However, to his credit — and Maker knows I’m not a huge Metzen fan — he did finally throw in a sentence at the end that was something along the lines of, “… but maybe the more important question is how will Kerrigan learn to accept herself?” To which, of course, I cheered mightily. Finally! Some words out of Chris Metzen’s mouth that don’t make me want to burn every Blizzard product I own in shame!

He then proceeded to launch into a speech — in response to a different question, I believe-but-can’t-be-arsed-to-check — about how Kerrigan has basically been used and abused by everyone she’s ever encountered (he implied this also included Raynor, which is interesting in light of the next bit) and how now that she finally has some freedom in her life she has to choose where it goes next.

And what life options does Metzen think Kerrigan has to choose between?

Why, “the man that she loves or the man that she hates”, of course.

…

…

…

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? NO, SERIOUSLY. TELL ME YOU’RE FUCKING KIDDING ME. TELL ME YOU, SERIOUSLY AND WITHOUT IRONY, JUST SAID THAT. TELL ME IT REALLY, HONESTLY, NEVER ENTERED YOUR GRUNTING LITTLE MIND THAT KERRIGAN MIGHT HAVE SOME KIND OF LIFE OPTION THAT DIDN’T REVOLVE AROUND A MAN.

… ahem.

Dee!Hulk aside: Fuck. That. Shit.

And here’s the thing. It’s so fucking obvious — to the point of Fremdschämen, even — that Raynor is Metzen’s Gary Stu self-insert expy. They look the same, they talk the same, they have that same sort of tedious, overdone masculinity. And, because of that, it’s also painfully obvious that Kerrigan is purely designed to be Metzen’s kind of maiwaifu “ideal girl”. This is like Male Gaze in its purest, most distilled form. It also makes playing SC2 like reading some really terrabad self-insert Brood War fanfic. And it’s just… yeah, no. Do Not Want, and also see point above about no-one really giving as many shits about these characters as the writers apparently do.

SCII in general and Raynor/Kerrigan in particular is sort of like the Bella-and-Edward of videogames. Amusingly, Raynor is the Bella in this set-up, but minor lulz aside the rest is just cringe-worthy. I’m sure there are a lot of brodoodes out there who are all totally on board with Metzen’s teenage power fantasy but, let’s face it, not having ever been a teenage boy I can assure you I don’t empathise. And the Raynor/Kerrigan that apparently exists in Metzen’s mind — and occasionally makes it onto the screen — is every bit as weird and creepy and laughable as Twilight is to most men (and also women, to be fair).

Thing is, I like StarCraft. I know who IMNesTea is and why one half of Tastosis looks suspiciously like Day[9]. I’m mesmerised by watching the fingers of pro players blur across the keyboard. I’m awful at the game itself but I enjoy it as a spectator sport.

But I don’t enjoy it as a story. Not anymore.

Looks like HotS won’t be changing that.

Game Mechanics: The Game (Diablo III)

And then there’s D3.

Honestly, I don’t have much to say about D3; it looks awesome, and I shall be buying the CE and look forward to playing it a lot in 2012. That’s… about it.

Diablo 3 is, I think, in many ways the distilled essence of what Blizzard does best. It’s a mechanics game. It looks pretty, runs smooth and — one hopes — is enjoyable to play. The plot is utilitarian but hardly thrilling — there are some guys! and they’re bad! and Deckard Cain wants to tell you to stay a while and listen while he explains about it! — but that works, I think. Because mostly this game is about smashing mobs and getting loot, and from the panel discussions it sounds like they’ve put a lot of thought into how they can make the funnerest monster-smashing-loot-getting game on the market.

And, sometimes, that’s all a girl needs.

1. Incidentally, Blizzard devs, female Pandaren? Look like that, please. Or this. ↩
2. For all their flaws, of which there are many, almost all of which unsurprisingly revolve around their depiction of female characters. ↩
3. The panel devs at BlizzCon specifically stated pet battling could be done at any level, though sneakily loosely coupled higher-tier abilities to character level with the idea of trainers. ↩
4. Well… not really, but they’re at least good at projecting the appearance of such. ↩
5. Er… but I’ll probably still buy the CE. Because, yanno. I have the others and I’m a completest. ↩
6. Also: I will need to find a new name for this blog. Urgh… ↩
7. Okay, the zerg majordomo lady doesn’t speak in the trailer… but one assumes she speaks in the game itself. ↩